Short Stories in 365

Tree rings

2011-11-25T17:16:00.004+08:00

The age of a tree is measured by the number of rings in its bark. In a lot of ways, it represents the human relationship. At its core, tree rings always start with a small but yet, very defined circle. Rings like these are like family and friends, the truly important ones that matter. They maybe small in numbers but they are the most significant.

Tree rings expand in diameter and move outwardly. These outer rings, some maybe defined and the others, could be easily missed. These seem like the many other circles in our lives – acquaintances, co-workers, common interest cliques and the list goes on.

Tree rings change according to seasons, rainfall and foreign infestation. Every ring varies in terms of depth, colour and definition but the most stable and predictable pattern is, it keeps growing as it ages.

And very much like life, our circles grow, for better or for worst, along the years of our life. However, every once in awhile, there are individuals so unique that I am unsure where to plot them. Too few to form a ring of its own, too strong to be only be vague line but yet, too temporary to be a defined one.

In life, there are chance encounters that turned into something more. People, whom we allowed to enter our lives, let them stay and then, had to let them leave. Echoing a lesson from The Little Prince, people to whom we let ourselves be ‘tamed’ and suddenly, we are no longer the hundred thousand other little boys. We became unique in the entire world to this person, and vice versa.

How do we explain the reasons we allowed ourselves to grow onto someone and then, due to circumstances, grow out of them? How do we account all those real emotions that were once so strong and real but dissolved into nothing after being diluted by time?

So, where do these people belong? Specks, spots or scars along these lines?

Friends, lovers, family, acquaintances. It’s easy to forget the many circles we have in our life, especially when we are overwhelmed with the endless to-dos. However, these people are somehow, more profound. When it is all done and over, we can only pack our hearts and seal them up, hope the next one that comes along wouldn’t be such a hassle. These people will be nothing more than a distant memory that may or may not tug at our hearts, just like the specks, spots or scars that marred the tree rings of our life.

A suitcase full of dreams - Prelude

2011-08-27T15:57:00.000+08:00

I was very lucky to embark on a 2-week travel to Europe. The plan was to fly to Orly Paris via Air Asia, take a 7-hour train journey up north, passing through Belgium to The Netherlands. However, the opportunity to go on this trip is possible only because of the support I receive from my family and friends.

This trip had revitalized myself and I think, in a way, it was very good for the soul.

Thus, the prelude to my Euro postings will be one of gratitude. I owe this trip to the people who loved me the most and wished the best for me.

Back in KL after 6 days in Taiping for CNY

2011-02-06T10:52:00.000+08:00

I seriously contemplated on not going back to Taiping this year's CNY for some rather, petty reasons now that I am in reflection mode. But I am glad I did. The reasons are nothing short of family - my parents and my ailing grandfather. This year, I am glad to say that I escaped the exodus at both time of traveling - to and fro. I was in fact, back a few days in advance for CNY but unfortunately, I did not do much.

Well, Chinese astrologers say that the year of the Rabbit is a year of reflection and solitude. Well, sounds good to me as I have always been a dreamer. I like to reflect and try to put myself back on track on whatever's been derailed.

Sad to say, my Masters studies have been seriously derailed since last Dec. I have no more excuses but to get back on track. I have also been lucky to score a couple of freelance stints and I should really get into it.

There are many big things to look forward this year. The possibility of finishing my Masters, if I were to get back on track soon and then, the big trip to Europe in July.

I am finally happy at where I am - work and relationship. But my recent trip back home made me realized that I should be doing more for my family. Something tells me, time won't be as kind to me as it used to be.

Finally, I want to blog more and get back into writing as much as I can.

2011-02-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

While siblings may all fell from the same tree, many fail to understand that they may necessary not be the same. Along the years of growing up, my brothers and I somehow adopt different values system that sometimes, may be in conflict towards each other. What's worse is, none of us wants to acknowledge that we are indeed, all different.

Fortitude

2010-10-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

I am learning to not whine and just bite the bullet in whatever I am doing now. Oblivious of my outcome, but I just need to see this through.

Mille-feuille

2010-06-24T00:41:00.004+08:00

I have a terrible weakness to keep track with the things I need to do. One moment, I have the thought that I need to do something. The next five minutes, something else will come along and steal that thought away.

I was driving to work today. And suddenly, my mind brought me back to a precious piece of memory of my very young days with my mother. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, never had much education, got married and devoted the rest of her 20 – 30s to raising three kids.

That memory, ever so precious was those long afternoons with her. We would play hide and seek in the house and I would tag along with her wherever she goes out in my dad’s old Toyota. That piece of memory also has a colour. It’s in sepia. It’s almost lost if not for the time-wasting, gut-wrenching traffic that I have to endure each time I drive to work.

Then, I also sometimes think about my youngest brother, who is now 20 years old. Sometimes, my memories of him as a child is so vivid that even today, my dreams can involuntarily bring me back to the days of him in the 5 year old whiny, spoilt brat.

These memories come in blocks. It is like a photograph of a particular time and place and then, it flips to the next. Again, it’s always uncontrollable. The next fragment could be ten years forward and my younger brother will be in his teens, getting into trouble and I am accompanying my mother to his school for a meeting with the discipline teacher.

As I write this piece, another significant fragment is of my university days. A piece of it is the first day of university where I have fallen sick because my body was rejecting the big change during that phase of life. I lie on the bed, alone in an old dorm in a hot sweltering afternoon. The old bed, soiled by many previous occupants, youths like me, who came to university to pursue an education, wishing for a better life ahead. I wonder how many of them have the better lives they wanted? Fast forward three years later, as I was driving out of Penang with everything I have at the back of the car, thinking (1) What just happened during the last three years? (2) Why aren’t any popping up to remind me one little bit of those days?

The mind is such an amazing invention. Each memory is weaved beneath layer and layer. Mille-feuille. That’s how the French would say A thousand leaves. And they pop out just when you least expect it.

Tonight, I am struggling to complete my first module and this month, I am also struggling to make ends meet. I tried to score a few hours of sleep before I work on my assignment but my mind were filled with horrid images of myself, mutilating myself. So, instead of slumber, I turn to writing.

For close to one year now, I am still unable to settle into a regime. Everyday is a mess as I cope to finish one task from the never-ending to-do list. The situation I am in now is even reflected each time I have to pack. I always bring more than intended. My shoulders are always heavy and my hands are always full. And it doesn’t help when random messy thoughts are popping out all the time.

I will need divine intervention to help me out – at least for my first module.

The World On Perfect Axis

2010-06-09T09:22:00.002+08:00

There are many reasons why I love yoga. First, the only form of competition that exists is only between me and my body. The whole idea of who's better and faster ceased to exist in the very same room between participants or level. Second, I like being able to see improvement each time in terms of flexibility and strength. Finally, it's the best way to listen to my body. Yoga takes a lot of energy as you converse to your own body to just reach out a little bit more or hold on a little bit more.

My passion for yoga is very much reflected on my views on life. That, life should be lived according to each individual terms. I walked around a lot with the notion that I am putting something on hold now. Perhaps, its the idea that I am doing my Masters. Perhaps its that I am taking life a little easier by not committing to a full time job. Perhaps its the restrictions and adjustments I need to make each time according to my own limits. But whatever it is, I do feel that a part of my life is on hold.

My arrangement with my job allows me to have Tues and Thurs completely to myself. I usually dedicate these days to my freelance writings and reading in my university. It is an amazing feeling when you have full days to yourself doing only the things that you want. This fact scares me a little as this privilege will need to run out eventually.

Yesterday, I spent my whole day reading and writing again. The place where I choose to sit each time I am in the KL campus faces the grand Pavilion mall. I watched the world go by in the bustling street below but yet, I was in a place so sane and still. I took my time to read (Breathe in, breathe out), I walked around when my brain is too tired (Breathe in, breathe out) and I basked in the sunlight streaming in (Breathe in, breathe out).

At that point, I begun to count all my blessings. My opportunity to be able to go back to school again because of my parents. I have someone special who is always there for me. I have a strong network of university friends who understands and supports each other. I have time extension for my assignment. I have the resources to complete it.

That moment, I felt like I was performing a challenging yoga position. Being able to tune the body to tip on that note in perfect balance.

Everything about that moment made my world felt like it was finally, on a perfect axis.

My Worst Fear

2010-06-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

My worst fear was confirmed sometime last Wednesday when my laptop was stolen from the car. My only consolation is that the thief did not broke the car window. It happened over dinner and I believe that I've heard my car alarm sounded. But I didn't bother to go check. After dinner, when I was back at the car, it took me awhile to realize that it was gone.

At that moment, although I was very calm but inside, it seems like all hopes were dashed. As a freelance writer, I rely on the laptop for more than anything. It was a means to getting paid. The few days without the laptop was like, involuntarily closing my "business" as I delayed deadlines and told my clients, "The most unfortunate thing happened to me last night.."

However, I am very lucky that the boyfriend has a spare laptop and he very quickly fixed it on his own as it was having some problems previously. Now, I am back on track again. Who says nerds are boring? ;)

The Long Climb

2010-05-26T01:00:00.001+08:00

It came to my realization that pursuing a Masters degree is an earned effort and not a given one. Unlike undergraduate days, one can easily slug through the years and have a degree after a certain amount of years. But, no one can really cheat their way through a postgraduate degree. I have profound respect for those who completed their Masters and also, for those who mount the final climb in education - a post doctoral degree.

I feel pretty lonely at times too. My peers are accelerating in their careers but I am still pretty much static. But, when I am doing what I need to do - reading those lengthy journals, navigating my way through my research, scraping for freelance jobs to get me through the month, I realized, however painful, I still love what I do.

Then, perhaps, by intention, at where I am, I am given the beautiful realization that I have a strong support system. I think, no one can have everything at the same time. So, this part of my life is where I need to compromise on certain areas. But, if you were to lay out different cards for me to choose, I am still going to stick through. At least, till I finish what I've started.

It is a long climb but I am looking forward for the great view up there.

The Book

2010-05-09T10:25:00.001+08:00

Someday, that wonderful book idea will come.

I feel like this sometimes

2010-04-27T11:32:00.000+08:00

In Loving Memories

2010-04-21T23:21:00.002+08:00

I couldn't find any picture that could translate what I am feeling till I remember that my granduncle was a really adventurous man. He was my grandmother's brother and even if our relation was supposed to be "far away", he was a prominent family member. He remembers all of our names and he always greet us with a smile. And his words were always encouraging.

A few weeks ago, I heard news that he was admitted into the hospital. He was having respiratory problems and had a lot of test done to find out what was wrong. Despite numerous test, the doctors in Malacca couldn't determine what was wrong. He was then transferred to a hospital here in KL.

Early this week, he begin to rely on intensive oxygen supply and developed pneumonia. Many times, my mother had always called me to pay him a visit but due to a tight schedule and daily commitments, I was only able to visit him on Tuesday. When I saw him on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, he was already sedated. I didn't had the chance to talk to him, neither will he know I was there.

I met my distant family members and talked to my grandaunt who were all doing fine. But I could feel the weight on their shoulders. The doctors told them to "be ready" which is pretty much, a sleight ride down the hill.

Wednesday morning, the assigned ring tone given to only my family members rang. I knew the news before I even picked it up. My granduncle didn't make it through the night. He was 70. And I didn't know what to feel.

He was a school teacher, an extremely humble and kind person and he lived a life well lived. He's been to almost every country in the world, traveled on the silk road and hiked the Mount KK - all in his retirement years. He even harbored hopes to conquer Everest - at 70.

His loss touched me, my brothers and my family so much. We are all speechless.

A great man is gone.

Chipped

2010-04-19T23:29:00.001+08:00

I was flossing my teeth today when my dental floss got stuck at one of the teeth. Then, after some nudging and pulling, the floss came off along with a chipped piece of my tooth. I get incredibly upset whenever this happen. This is a valid sign that I am aging and also, I am losing something that can never be replaced.

I.M. Magazine (Mar Issue) - Tolerance and Ignorance

2010-04-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

Am posting this up on a rainy evening in office. I am so hungry but I don't have the energy to brace the traffic jam.

Anyway, this column was published in I.M. Magazine (Mar) 2010. My apologies if the scan page is not clear enough.

Decisions & Shortcomings

2010-03-25T09:42:00.000+08:00

While people may need to make important decisions every now and then, I find that I struggle with making decisions every week. I would think of myself as a multi-tasker in a lot of areas in life, but I absolutely hate it. I blame my agency days where they train us as multi-taskers. But really, I do better things when I only have one or two things to concentrate on.

For The Inner Rock Star In You

2010-03-04T13:26:00.001+08:00

My first experience of Hard Rock was during my trip to Bali in 2005. Then, when Hard Rock finally set foot here in Malaysia, I was ecstatic. I had to check it out and so I did, when I did this travel piece for KL Lifestyle.

HRH Penang

Revisiting Decisions

2010-03-01T20:40:00.003+08:00

Finally, the results are out and I affirm to the notion that, if you waited too long to do something, chances are you're bound to change your mind. I quit my full time job seven months ago and, I was thrown with a lot of inconsistency to deal with everyday from then. When you are not on a pay roll, you tend to get easily swayed into well, everywhere. That's why I applaud people who are sticking to their decisions thick and thin. It takes too much energy and determination to make things happen.

I applied for a Masters programme in a local university in mid 2009 and was accepted into the faculty I wanted. The semester was going to commence in December when I suddenly changed my mind that I wanted to do my Masters degree in a UK university. The schedule were more accommodating and it seemed more focused. So I did, applied for it again and now, I have a RM40k education fee staring into my face.

My parents, particularly my mother were supportive of my decision but I knew, it won't be easy for my family to fork it all within a year. Thus, that is my Doubt #1. What if this is a wrong choice? That I should never had opted for a UK university and that I should settle with a local one.

Then comes Doubt #2: Am I really sure that I want to do this? Well, seven months ago, I was dead sure that I want to land myself a Masters in order for me to do the things I want. For example, I've always wanted to try the travel and teaching bit. So, I was sure, this could lead me there. But now, that dream stand on shaky grounds.

Doubt #3 is when I look around at my friends and see everyone of them stepping up to the next phase of their lives. Some are getting married, some are getting bigger pay cheques and some are putting their down-payment for their first property. Everyone seems to be getting an upgrade but me. If you remember my December column in I.M. Magazine, I mentioned that trying to stay positive is probably the hardest bit to come by. It's sad that even if we are chasing our own dreams, we cannot help but to still compare.

My classes are due to start soon and the only thing I am capable of doing now, is sticking through. I know it won't be easy and the scary bit is, how hard is it going to get? If my will is strong, what happens if deterrence is stronger? Can I make it through the next one year?

25 and a flat tire attitude

2010-03-01T13:32:00.001+08:00

I have been staying in more and more lately - doing absolutely nothing. My attitude reflects that of a flat tire.

I refuse to believe this is a sign of turning old and boring! I think I need adrenaline shots on Fri & Sat nights as well as in life too.

Thankfully I have S. His fun-loving attitude is the one anchor that keeps me from becoming boring.

Please Leave Me Alone

2010-02-24T19:00:00.001+08:00

I really don't fancy hearing from you again.
Please leave and never attempt to get in touch with me again.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Steve McCurry

2010-02-04T23:33:00.004+08:00

Steve McCurry was here in Malaysia and I missed him! I picked up a copy of KL Lifestyle's February issue to disappointingly learn that the infamous American photojournalist was here in KL recently to promote his exhibition, "A Common Faith".

His illustrious 30-year career is synonymous with the picture called "Afghan Girl" . While on assignment in a Pakistani refugee camp during the height of the Soviet Union War On Afghanistan, he captured a portrait of a 12-year old Afghanistan refugee. It became the cover of National Geographic Magazine in June 1985 and garnered phenomenal worldwide attention.

The world instantly questioned the identity of the "Afghan girl". Steve made several attempts to track her down but failed and it was only 17 years later, McCurry and a National Geographic Team found her in a remote region of Afghanistan. Her name is Sharbat Gula, she was 30 years old when she was found, has three daughters and vividly remembers the day she was photographed. She claimed that it was the only time she was ever photographed. She has never seen the picture of herself and all this time, was oblivious to the hype it had generated through the years.

The "Afghan Girl" photographed has been named the most recognized photograph in the history of National Geographic magazine.

Steve McCurry's career has taken him to the most war ravaged regions of the world. His photographs has recorded significant moments that would had been lost if he had not braved bullets and risked his life along the way.

"A Common Faith" is now running from January 8 to April 8 at The Islamic Arts Museum Malaysia from 10am - 6pm, open daily. It showcases over 80 never been seen before photographs documented by him in Islamic countries. It is also his largest solo exhibition to date.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Taylor Swift

2010-02-02T13:01:00.004+08:00

America's Country Music Sweetheart, Taylor Swift swept four awards at the Grammy Awards last night! Winning four awards - Best Country Song, Best Country Female Vocal, Best Country Album and the most notable award one, The Album Of The Year proved to be quite a handful that she actually broke one when it slipped while posing for photographs at backstage.

Who haven't heard of Taylor Swift, the 21 year old country singer from Nashville, Tennessee? Taylor has been making waves ever since she debuted on the American Billboard Charts with her first single, "Tim McGraw" in 2006. In fact, her name and her songs received so much airwaves time and again, it prompted me to wikipedia her to retrace her steps to the phenomenal fame she is basking in today.

Her musical career started only in 2006 and it only took her less than four years to be where she is today. Taylor has been writing songs and performing since she was 10 years old and cites the Dixie Chicks, Carrie Underwood and Shania Twain as her musical heroes. Perhaps her career pad launched so well due to the winning combination of musical talent and looks. But behind it all, she is a very determined young woman with a lot of focus in her career and a hard worker. The latter aspect had gained all my respect for her.

Today, she is the most searched artist, surpassing the 200 million mark on MySpace and the most downloaded artist in digital music with over 24.3 million digital downloads.

The reason I am featuring her in this post is that, each time when she walks up to receive any award, she exuberates this sincerity that she is really thankful for the award. And the passion she has for what she does shines through for everyone to see.

Aliyaa Island Restaurant, Damansara Heights with Jojo Struys

2010-01-28T14:11:00.005+08:00

Aliyaa Island Restaurant is a gem of KL City not to be missed! Wonderful place for a night out with friends if you want to have a place of your own. Quality food in a wonderful ambiance. I've always loved dining there!

Makan2 With Stars_JoJo Struys

I.M. Magazine (January 2010)

2010-01-28T11:06:00.004+08:00

Time seems to be more unforgiving as we get older. In terms of taking away our youth and also, it seems to slip even faster. It's the end of Jan 2010 and it seems like my Christmas party was just a few weeks ago.

Anyway, this was the column that was published in Jan 2010 I.M. Magazine.

It's about sitting back and appreciating our own efforts no matter how small they are. Humans are naturally competitive, we constantly strive for the better. Which is a good thing, because with this, our race evolves. But, there are too many times where we beat ourselves up too much.

So, why not, give yourself a pat. We're all doing okay. :)

I am in I.M. again! (Jan 2010 Issue)

2010-01-26T19:52:00.005+08:00

Richard Bach - "A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit"

I couldn't find a scanner to scan the following page. Thought of taking my camera to capture it but the copy is way too small. Perhaps I will scan the entire page here tomorrow. Anyway, I.M. Magazine is kind enough to allow me to contribute for their January issue. I simply love the magazine for its authenticity and for lending a lot of local bloggers/real people a platform to write and be published.

I foresee that this magazine will bloom bigger in the near future. What I like about each issue is that, each contributor is allowed to fill in the lines for I.M ... It gave each contributor a voice and further reveals their personality.

So for this month, I.M ... thinking the simpler life is, the better it will be. It is an uncontested fact that life is actually simple. We wake up everyday to fulfill the simple purpose of living. But it is humans who complicate matters. Especially the head we have on our shoulders.

If you are visiting my blog because you read my article in I.M. magazine, thank you so much!

I would really love to hear your comments. :)

I am all over NZ

2010-01-26T19:28:00.005+08:00

My friend, Ryan has been on the road for more than six months now in NZ. He is one of those brave souls who decide to just quit their job, pack their bags and leave nothing behind to hit the road. His decision was quick. He applied for the work/holiday visa and got it within a week. Then, he was on his way to six months of adventure.

I secretly envied him because he was brave enough to do it. I also discovered a uni friend of mine, Wendy who did the same thing. I connect both of them and they ended up traveling together as well.

Ryan and I kept in touch all the time while he was away. One day over Gmail chat, I told him, to mark my initials on rocks at places that he think I should see if ever I travel to NZ one day. He was already on his last leg of adventure and was coming back by then.

But he still took many beautiful pictures and he shares with me today. I think it is nice to post it up here for everyone to see and revel in the beautiful landscapes of NZ!

He is coming back in two weeks time and I look forward to see him during the Chinese New Year break.

Thank you Ryan. You're the best!

Bar Italia, Jalan Berangan with Deborah Priya Henry

2010-01-25T14:19:00.003+08:00

Bar Italia, located in Jalan Berangan, earns beauty queen Deborah Priya Henry's approval.
Makan2 With the Stars_DeborahPriya

Fatty Crab Restaurant, Taman Megah with Henry Golding

2010-01-25T14:13:00.001+08:00

Henry Golding reveals his favourite restaurant here in KL.
Makan2 With Stars_Henry Golding

Japanese Restaurant Review, Nippon Tei

2010-01-25T12:21:00.002+08:00

Nippon Tei is managed by a company that pioneered Japanese F&B business here in Malaysia. It's pretty much a standard Japanese restaurant with sushi, sashimi and other Japanese cuisine. Prices may be a little expensive but the dining ambiance within KLCC is to be savoured!
Nippon Tei

Baothouse, TTDI with Angel Wong

2010-01-25T12:07:00.001+08:00

Boathouse in TTDI is one of the best restaurants I've discovered in KL while I am on writing assignments.

Below is the feature in January's issue of KL Lifestyle.
Makan2 With Stars_Angel Wong

I'm in I.M. magazine!

2009-12-09T16:51:00.002+08:00

The C. Club

2009-12-04T15:05:00.002+08:00

Flavours - The c. Club

The Energies We Impart

2009-11-25T08:41:00.006+08:00

The thing I believe second to karma is the energy within us. Each of us, have an energy that either stay neutral, complement or contrast with other form of energies. And, we are capable of dispersing these energies within us into the world, depending on what we feel or do. For example, a songwriter writes a sad song, and that energy is carried through every single radio airwaves that song is played on. It is meant to evoke that same emotion felt by the creator.

Lately, I felt my blog has been omitting a lot of negativity. I am more intense when I am sad or depressed. Maybe it's the creative people's curse, we perform better under certain influence. Mine will be a lot of negativity. But, I don't want to be that kind of writer.

I hope this picture of mine will bring you some light after all those posts. Here's to optimism and an energy of lightness to make your day better.

Home Bound

2009-11-14T21:24:00.003+08:00

At the beginning, when I dropped him off at the airport, I thought, 19 days will be one hell of a wait. It was hard at the initial stage - the missing and the yearning. But, I was determined to make the best out of everyday instead of waiting for him for life to continue.

Then, today, I finally X the final date on the calendar. He will be back tomorrow. And, it feels so exciting to see him again.

Clenched Fists

2009-11-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

I wanted to confront you on all the negative things you said while we were out tonight. You painted everything so bleak. Then, in clenched fists, I let go. I realize, at least, what I can do is to not let the negativity reside in me. Even if the road is tough in getting what I want, at least, I don't lose my aspirations to work towards what I want. And I am going to forgive you for the things you say. Because, I sit on the other side of the fence. I look at life, as something that I determine on my own.

So, good luck to you instead.

Contentment is a state of mind

2009-09-29T14:55:00.002+08:00

Perhaps, we will need to work at everything in life.

Even when we want to own the state of contentment.

I know whenever I am insecure. I dream about the worst outcome.

And I woke up with a dreadful feeling hanging over. I then, make a mental checklist.

Everything's fine. And I try very hard to keep that in my head all day.

The worst outcome was just a dream. I still had everything intact. And things are sailing fine.

So, I try to focus on what I have now.

And, all of them, gave me the contentment I need. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. But today, it's all fine.

Once Upon A Time

2009-09-08T14:36:00.009+08:00

When I was a kid, every story that I was read to, seem to only begin with these four magical words. "Once Upon A Time". It instantaneously brought me to a time and space comprehensible by only me alone. I owe my love for reading and the written word to my mother. She made sure I read every Peter and Jane book before bed and she spent a lot of money in building a mini library for my siblings and I. She tried to instill the same love into my brothers but failed so elegantly. The same way she tried to instill the love for building puzzles or a game of chess into me and yet, the three of us never quite turn out the same.

I wrote my first story when I was 12 or 13. And I was certain, writing stories was my game. That I will grow up to be an author. But, I eventually grew out of that phase. I thought writing stories are passe. That it was reserved only for the hopeless romantic or idealistic. I moved on in other areas of writing in the subsequent years, in different avenues - love letters to ex-boyfriends, essays during English class, blogs, a local publication and then, countless job requisitions.

A writer love to credit writers' block for their lack of writings. Inspirations are hard to come by and when they do, they often appear in the form of a simple line, a dialogue. An example of life passing by. A distinctive trait found in a character. A gesture. Anything random. And often, I am stopped short in my tracks. They are profound but I couldn't find any reason to continue them.

I always wanted to groom them and turn them into something more. More than just a line, a dialogue, a character.

So I found a reason to write these stories. And, you are welcome to read them here. This Is Just Fiction. I still think writing stories are passe. But, I would love to challenge myself.

The Most Romantic Conversation

2009-09-07T20:20:00.007+08:00

"I don't need to be your sense of purpose in life. In fact, I don't want to. But what I want, is I want to be here long after everything is gone.

At the end of our youth, at the expiry of all our bodily pleasures and everything that we worked in life for.

I want to be there when one day, you start to question your own purpose in life.

And, all I want is just be there when you look at me and ask me those questions. Even if you knew, that I will never be able to answer them," he paused.

But at least, I was there" he clasped my hands.

And I knew, that was the most romantic conversation the world has ever heard.

*This is just fiction.

Everyone Has A Past

2009-09-07T15:07:00.005+08:00

Last Saturday, we opened the eX-files for the second time. To be honest, at times, I have a thousand questions that I would love to interrogate you with. But of course, I know, it is never a good idea to talk about it. Partly also, I don't want you to see the insecure side of me. I like the way we are. I also like the way I am when I am with you.

But, that 5 minutes walk we had, prompted me to probe after you made a mention of her. And while we both stood above the city with the blinding lights below, I had to ask. I painfully did. And your answers were sincere and truthful.

And when it's over, I said, "I'm sorry, I hate opening the eX-files. Let's not talk about this again"

"Yeah. Me too. But let's keep this file here". And then, you hugged me.

Then in the following serene seconds, the insecurities that I had been feeling, and kept suppressed because of my ego, fades away. It was also an assurance that could never be bought even if you had answered a million of my questions patiently.

I know, I can never penalize you for having a past. No one has a clean slate.

But, at least, you gave me a reason to be better this time around.

When I Grow Up

2009-09-02T22:43:00.008+08:00

I am a failure when it comes to equations and operating machinery. I passed my driving test at 17 but I never really drove until I was 19. It took two years, a lot of obsessing on why I couldn't summon the courage to drive and an additional RM300 thrown in to hire an instructor by my mom to make sure I can drive again.

Back when that irrational fear still owns me, I believed with all my heart that the day that I can drive is the day I am officially a grown up. Luckily, it took only one lesson, and I could finally drive. I remember, to prove to myself, I sneaked out with my parents' manual, and made 5km and back on my own without any hazard - even up and down a hill.

Then, I went to university. That was 5 years ago, and I thought, the day that I have my own car, have a job and live on my own, I am going to be the adult that I always wanted to be.

I am finally at where I want to be, everything that I wanted at 17. It was a strange realization that occur one hot afternoon as I was crossing a street. I saw that in my reflection at a car passing by. That young woman, who can drive, who went to university of her choice, pursued a field she knew she is good in, has her own car, a job and a wonderful social life. Her own room, a big box of make up, a wardrobe that works for her, shoes and accessories that goes with them. Friends who loves her for who she is. And her proudest achievement, her independence.

But just a day before, I was grappling with self esteem issues. I was no where the woman I should be today. Or at least, the woman I thought I would be the day I donned on my graduation robe. Today, I am in debt, can be very cynical and a loss of will to what I want in life.

That reflection and an unexpected wave of narcissism gave me a huge sense of relief. If I could somehow become who I wanted to badly become at 17, I am certain, life will bring me to where I want to go eventually. But of course, I will need to navigate myself there. But life will certainly help maneuver me there.

By then, I would had forgotten what I wanted now - with a new set of issues to grapple with.

But I was very happy to realize what I am writing now. It feels like patting myself on my shoulder and telling myself I made it.

A Friendly Message - NOT!

2009-09-01T19:09:00.006+08:00

I got this note on my car last Friday. Fine. It's my fault that I may not be excellent with the steering wheel. I was fine when I received it but I did not notice the back of the note until today. Then, I was furious.

Which proved my point - urban people are smart and they really go the distance just to demonstrate it to you but not necessary, in a courteous way.

There's nothing I can do but to get use to it.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Lady Gaga

2009-08-19T15:45:00.003+08:00

Gay Icon, Fashion A-lister, Ex-burlesque dancer, Award Winning Singer Songwriter and the list goes on. Lady Gaga, born Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta is today, better known among music fans as a music extraordinaire. I first learn of Lady Gaga at the initial stage of her career when people kept making comparison between Madonna and her. Until a strong statement in a celebrity column clarifies the air with the words, "Lady Gaga is not Madonna", I took notice of her music. Of Italian American descent, her path to success wasn't even approved by her own family but through sheer determination, she is today's biggest female artist.

Her stage name, as infectious as it can be, was given by a music producer who took it from Queen's "Radio Gaga".

Holding Hands

2009-08-19T00:36:00.005+08:00

To be honest, there were no fireworks, no red curtains being drawn open nor heart stopping drama. We just happened gradually. But the great thing about you is, you are always there. And in today's modern world dating, that itself is all a girl can ever ask for. I am also happy (And you really should be too) that I am a tranquilized drama queen when I am with you. For the first time, I kinda stopped asking questions. About what are we. What's next. I don't know what's next but I am looking forward for dinner with you tomorrow. And even if you don't read this, it is completely fine. You are already here in my life.

I know

2009-08-07T11:15:00.001+08:00

You and I, our story goes back a long way.

An altered state of mind

2009-08-04T14:21:00.003+08:00

I'd say, don't judge. Anyone on any matter. Last Saturday, I thought I had self control. But it turns out I had none. And I realized, how incredibly fragile I am. At an altered state of mind, you really don't want anything else. Except to remain in that cloudiness.

Life is better when it is shared

2009-07-30T16:06:00.001+08:00

Waiting For The Bubble To Pop

2009-07-28T18:06:00.004+08:00

Right now, life seems to be moving double the speed. And for the first time in a long time, they are moving towards a favourable direction. As much as I am having fun, I can't help but to feel, one of these great bubbles surrounding me is going to pop and then, I am back to where I was.

I just got my last month of pay over the weekend. I felt the gratitude that I never learn to appreciate because this is the probably the last time I will be subjected to a guaranteed payroll. At least for the next couple of years.

Then, I am already packing up for my exit from the agency I've been working in for the past one year. Too many things to share, too many lessons learn and more importantly, the valuable lessons I learn about who I really am. Indeed, it has been worth it. Even if I was driven to points that made me felt otherwise.

There have been nights where I would lie awake, questioning how did I came to where I am. But from where I stand now, I know moving on is the only option.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Kid Cudi

2009-07-24T12:07:00.004+08:00

Kid Cudi is the new kid on the block. From Ohio, this 25 year old is a recording artist and actor. Discovered by Kanye West himself, Kid Cudi has all the right combination to make it in Tinseltown. And when a big name like Jay-Z featured you on his album, you know, you are pretty tight.

His latest single, "Make Her Say" featuring Kanye West and Common is a remix of Lady Gaga's Poker Face (Acoustic). And the result is absolutely brilliant - which is how my attention is diverted to him. I've heard of Day & Night (His earlier single) in clubs and I knew I would heard of him again. "Make Her Say" originally boosts a cheekier name called "Poke Her Face" but was renamed for radio play list suitability.

LinkWithin is brilliant

2009-07-18T14:29:00.003+08:00

LinkWithin is a new widget which a lot of bloggers are starting to install onto their blogs. A smart application, it takes only a few clicks for it to start working on your site. What it does is that, it provides a link to your older stories sitting within your archives through your labels of your post. So, all your older posts won't go to waste. It's a great refresher to my memory and reminds me of those posts I've written long ago since I begun this blog in 2006.

I tried installing LinkWithin yesterday but failed because I was still using the old Blogger template. LinkWithin has a wonderful way in paying attention to their user's feedback. I wrote to them and receive an instant and helpful feedback within 24 hours.

Usually, it's hard not to see these widgets, applications and softwares as just a computer system. However, these companies also emphasis on providing excellent customer service because they see the value that. And usually, your feedback comes in a personal email written by their own customer service representative and also, the genuine enthusiasm to help you out.

http://www.linkwithin.com/learn

Favourite Band Of The Week: Kings Of Leon

2009-07-17T11:51:00.005+08:00

When I watched Almost Famous (2000), a movie by Cameron Crowe, I thought, William, had the coolest job ever. A geeky but talented writer - who was also a high school kid, was granted the rare privilege to venture into an elite world - where the doors are open only to rock stars. Set in the 70s where sex, drugs and rock & roll was at all its glory, it saddens me that those days are long over. Rock bands today are simply not like how they used to be.

But Kings Of Leon, a relatively young band which started out in 1999, from Nashville, Tennessee, still reels in that old world of glam. Made up of brothers, Caleb, Jared and Nathan and their cousin, Matthew, Kings Of Leon has been named, "America's Hottest Band" last year by The Rolling Stones magazine. The brothers' father and grandfather were both named, Leon. That was how their name came about.

Their music is an allure of the sophisticated old world rock - deep vocals and great guitar leads. But remind you again, this is the 21st century we are in, so yeah, they are pretty damn awesome.

Their single, Sex On Fire, won them their first ever Grammy in 2009.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Robert Miles

2009-07-16T17:44:00.004+08:00

I was only 11 when I first heard Robert Miles' "Children". Back then, the genre that predominantly ruled kids my age were Pop - where we worship and adore bands like Take That and Boyzone. So, how can an Asian kid in dark blue pinafore living in a small, small town come to know and remember that name? But his music did made an impression and received so much playtime, he eventually became mainstream.

Robert Miles, from Switzerland was a self made musician. Starting out as a DJ, he set up his own studio with his own savings in order to produce his own work. His single, "Children" (1994) places the "Dream House" genre into mainstream. Dream House was the genre widely played in clubs from 1995 - 1997 all over Europe and UK. A class of its own, it sets itself apart from other house genre by incorporating main instruments like piano, violin and saxophone against a melodic and dreamy music.

Miles, 39 this year, has been under the radar for awhile now. And I wouldn't had featured him here if not for a late lonely drive home after work and where Red104.9 played "Children". His music needs to be applauded and his work, given the right honour because it is not often that a track that's 15 year old is still relevant among music fans today.

The days are getting brighter

2009-07-01T16:22:00.001+08:00

I am going to be out of here soon. So soon.

2009-06-23T13:19:00.002+08:00

I am feeling lonely.
Can the wheel barrow quickly lift me up to a better mood elavator?

Bruises For A Tale

2009-06-22T13:55:00.001+08:00

It was pleasure in a sick way. I had a bad, bad shoulder and neck ache and I needed a solution. With no time for exercise and enough money for a chiropractor, I had this done in Bukit Bintang.

To be honest, the results was just okay. I still believe that exercise is the one way to relieve any form of aches and discomfort of the body.

My life is pretty good.

2009-06-18T22:05:00.005+08:00

I am still at work and decides to just unwind the day by browsing Facebook. Then, as I narcistically browse my own pictures, I realised, I have a bunch of wonderful friends, family and colleagues to fill and made my life this interesting so far. Yes, I do live life on the fast lane. I meet too many people, and I barely am able to keep up with keeping in touch with most of them.

Now, I hate admitting this. But I tend to let boys get in the way of making me feel like my life ain't great. So, I devise this question to ask myself each time I start to obsess.

"What the hell are you worried about?"

More often that not, it is nothing. Of course, it takes practice to make it perfect and for it to stick.

But yeah, back to my wonderful friends, family and colleagues, each time I click on these pictures, I realised, in most of them, I was having fun without worrying if they like me enough to see or call me again. I never need to try to be cool or likeable. And they always do call back and be there for me wheneven. And even if they don't, I never, ever fear making the call or hanging out with them. Even on my ugly days.

Yeah. My life is pretty awesome.

And it is those people who doesn't want to be a part of it, who will be missing all the good fun. And more importantly, getting to know who I really am.

Men's Muse

2009-06-16T13:52:00.004+08:00

Women have been the subject of too many songs, movies, poems and epic in the history of mankind. One was written so profoundly that she had a face that "Launched a thousand ships". I always, always loved songs about women. For the simple reason, a man had been so inspired by one that he decides to immortalize the woman in the form of the written word.

One of the few songs that always put a smile on my face is Perfect Day by Collective Soul.

There she stumbles, falling to her knees.
I think she tripped on reality.

Then, there's the new one by Rob Thomas, Her Diamonds.A song that was written for his wife when she was ill.

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor

And many more that holds me at awe. Now, if only I am someone else's muse.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Ari Gold

2009-06-12T16:25:00.004+08:00

You know you are a TV drama addict when you start talking about the characters to other TV drama fans non stop. Because in vain hope, you hope they are real. And why you may ask, it probably gives me a sense that they can be a real time role model to look up to.

Of all person/character on Earth that I can never be in this life time, Ari Gold tops the list.

He is obnoxious, smart, downright sarcastic and owns a frequently used vocabulary that would put anyone's grandma to shame.

That's Ari Gold, the Hollywood agent in Entourage.

Apparently this character is loosely based on one of Hollywood's top agents, Ari Emanuel, a partner at the Endeavor Agency. And Ari's A-list clienteles in Entourage are real time Emanuel's clients.

I wish I have the guts to speak like him. I am sure it would alleviate a lot of problems in my work place.

Favourite Band Of The Week: The Wallflowers

2009-06-11T22:14:00.002+08:00

When you have a rock star dad like Bob Dylan, it is hard not to feel intimidated because that shoe that is left for you to fill, is way too huge. But instead of filling that shoe, Jakob Dylan went on to create a crate that is rightfully his.

The Wallflowers started way back in 1989 and I didn't hear their music until their single, "One Headlights" hit the Billboards in 1997. I grew up with the Alternative 90s and without The Wallflowers, it wouldn't had been the same.

All information extracted from Wikipedia. Reading discography can be as challenging as reading The Economist. Thus, Wikipedia made my life easier.

They need a new word for Outrageous

2009-06-02T19:20:00.007+08:00

I am all the rage on Entourage now.

I think, the best writers of all leagues are TV series writers. Come on, it ain't the story of each episode that keeps your show alive and earn you your 7 digits viewership. It is your characters that keep your show alive season after season. And when people add these fictional characters on their Twitter or Facebook, you know, you just created mini legends.

Entourage is made up of four friends whose living the capital L of Life in Hollywood. Among a bandwagon of people who feeds on the hedonistic bloodline of Hollywood, these are the people who need a new word for Outrageous.

My favourite character is Ari Gold, the quick tongue agent who manages Vincent Chase's career. Without him, I wouldn't even be watching Entourage past the second season.

Season six is premiering in July. At least I got 4 seasons to keep my seats wet, oops I mean, warm till then.

Favourite Band Of The Week: Fall Out Boy

2009-06-02T13:58:00.004+08:00

I am an arms dealer fitting you with weapons in the form of words - This Ain't A Scene, Its An Arms Race

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds - Dance, Dance

Why, why, why won't the world revolve around me? - America Suitehearts

I am a fan of any beautifully-strung-together written word. Especially, when it comes to lyrics, I give more attention to bands with good lyrics. In their case, they got Pete Wentz to wax lyrical for their tracks. Fall Out Boy, as many would not know is actually a character from the The Simpsons. The band's humble beginnings began since 2001 and were actually nameless for their first two shows. During their third live performance, they asked fans to find them a good name and a face in the crowd shouted, "Fall Out Boy". (I wonder does he/she gets free tickets to all their shows now)

So far, I have Infinity On High and Folie à Deux tracks on my ever revolving mp3 player. And even if many other bands come and go on it, their tracks are more of a permanent feature on my playlist.

All information extracted from Wikipedia. Reading discography can be as challenging as reading The Economist. Thus, Wikipedia made my life easier.

2009-06-01T19:32:00.000+08:00

I wish I am smarter sometimes. But of course, I am far from it.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Ryan Sheckler

2009-05-12T15:40:00.004+08:00

The first time I watched "Life Of Ryan" on MTV and I thought it's just another "Super Sweet Sixteen" TV drama. Then, after the second time, I was hooked. Not only is Ryan Sheckler's voice incredibly husky (sexy!) but he has the means to go shopping for a mansion in CA with his friends (When he was just 18!)

This year he will be 20 and already incredibly successful, the self-made "Skate King" won himself titles after titles in skate competition ever since he went pro in 2003. Ah, another case to validate that I like young (skater) boys!

All information extracted from Wikipedia. Reading biography can be as challenging as reading The Economist. Thus, Wikipedia made my life easier.

13 weeks and counting

2009-05-05T22:16:00.002+08:00

Seems like an incredibly long time and even if I have handed in the resignation, the euphoria is already long over. Well, my little act of bravery has also prompted another fellow colleague to do the same (even putting the idea into a couple more). I am the devil's advocate!

Anyway, the best thing I heard all day was from my good colleague, friend. "I am only going to be 25 once. I don't want to tell my grandkids I had no life when I was 25".

There will be so many aspects I will miss about working here but even more unpleasant things that I won't.

Well, 3 months and counting and I am already de-motivated.

But I need to find where is the location of my new cheese. I need it at least to survive the next 3 months and my final, final lap.

This is truly my final lap.

The Peeve In Me

2009-04-30T17:43:00.006+08:00

I am a snob, particularly when it comes to anything written or verbal. I may not have a strong base of grammar but I appreciate and honour the language, written and spoken in its best form. So, I get easily irritated when people "butcher" up the language.

I take time to write emails properly, even sending SMS text typed in the correct spellings - no short forms. Even in my text messages, I have my upper case for the first letter after a full stop. I have to agree that most people will use short forms in their text or MSN but when they use really stupid spellings, it's hard not to judge their competency.

I am a bitch for doing this. But this is taken from random people in Facebook. Caution: These are unedited.

i cannot back home yet as I need to rush the CD for the media.

Who interested in eyes lasik? we are getting group's discount..... contact me latest by tomolo.....

hey.... are u attending *name*'s wedding in KL? I am plan to go KL wedding with *name* wow... Let me know ya

I don't know why people would use, "Tomolo" when "Tomorrow" is just an additional 2 letter word. To me, it sounded "Ah Beng".

Then, there are those who LoVe tO tYpE lIkE tHIs, aS iF trAiNiNg TheIr FiNgerS wiTh ThE ShIFt Key. It reminds me too much of my mIRC days where guilty as charged, I used to type like that until I realise, its such a waste of time.

And not to forget the extremely overused, "Lo". Somehow "La" is bearable but "Lo" is the other brother I never bother to know.

So please, I urge you. Respect the language because I will judge you.

Taking the leap of faith

2009-04-20T18:09:00.008+08:00

Have you ever have the feeling, when you know you are instantly on your own? Like you've accidentally accelerated on the speed pedal and you can't go back anymore. I did just that. At first, it was the feeling of pure bliss. I've overcome the hurdle and silent all the never ending train of thoughts in the head. Then, as the feeling fades, what comes next are feelings of uncertainties, doubts and fear. And my head welcomed a whole new agenda.

I called in the quits today. Because, that was what the heart told me to. The head did try to rationalize the self to stick through for the next couple of months in the name of security. Its bad times out there. But, the heart was so strong on this decision, it only seemed right.

I've always championed the risk taking advocacy. The Now or Never attitude. That we only lived once. We are young only once. Take the road not taken. But it is so hard to practice it.

I remember watching Steve Jobs' commencement speech in Stanford's 2005 graduation ceremony on You Tube. What I remembered most was his story on "Connecting The Dots", how every decision he once made eventually formed the bigger picture that he is in now. But it took him a long run to realize this. And I can't help but to wonder, are these dots that I am making the correct one.

I'm returning to university to pursue a Masters in English Literature. This decision came from the very same gut that made the switch to Arts in Form Six. I was following the heart. And, I did better than I thought I would, a testimony that I played at where my strengths at.

However the decision to leave also stems from the reason that I am burnt out from work. My fear is that I am making this decision because of a need to escape. My bigger fear is that it will be a mistake.

I am very afraid of what lies next. But, this is what the leap of faith are suppose to be right?

I am entering a whole new phase of life. And even if I have no God to pray to, I hope for only one thing - that this will all be worth it.

I am at life's crossroad

2009-04-19T03:36:00.003+08:00

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-04-16T19:04:00.005+08:00

When you make a movie like this, your only target is women. Hopeless romantic, the cynical, the attached, the single independent female, the happily married, the jaded. I read the book a couple of years back when I was going through a mini crash in love. I fit the targeted reader profile perfectly. Someone who needs assurance that they have nothing wrong whenever their expectations falter. And also a self empowerment reminder that we are fabulous and its the guys fault. Well to be honest, I still am the perfect target audience. A little whimpy but I cannot deny that.

I don't need a doctrine these days anymore whenever I go through a rough patch. I just got used to it.

I was entertained through the movie and wasn't surprise to see it ends like any other chick flicks. That some characters fall in love in the most unusual circumstances and have happy endings. There are also characters who wind up alone and unfulfilled. A chick flick is still a chick flick. It needs to serve justice to the many hopeful women watching it. When you sell people an intangible value like hope, people just love it. They can't really fault you for it.

Now the book is said to offer a completely new perspective to the dating game. According to it, men are uncomplicated and an easy to read species. There are no mixed signs, no complicated intricate meaning to the words they say and things they do. The rule is simple, if a guy doesn't like you, he doesn't call, he doesn't ask you out, he doesn't marry you, he doesn't keep his promise, he doesn't sleep with you (unless he is drunk) and so on.

And on the other hand, if he does, he will call, he will keep his date promise, he will take you out even to Timbuktu and the most obvious validation is that he always be there.

I cringed a lot in the movie. To see how women will make up a million excuses whenever their expectations failed them. I cringed also because I am just like them even if I am all familiar with the lesson I learnt from the book. Overall, the movie did swayed a little from its preaching. But it was very obvious that the producers were trying hard to remain neutral and I will give them a little credit.

Just so you know, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, writers of the book made a fortune out from the many hopeful women when they wrote the book and now, even more with this movie. I would recommend you to watch it. Best part is, it will probably touch men who are hopeful romantics. Like the book, the movie offer little advises to men as well.

Just a personal note, I am Anna Taylor. Watch it and you will know.

2009-04-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

This is a bit of a trumpet blowing. But well, it's nothing since self praise is no praise. So bear with me while I share my beaming smile with you.

First thing in the morning, I knew today would be a f*ked day because I would be running solo on the account. Then, for the past few weeks, I have been emotionally driven rather than rationally. So for any of you, when this happens, I wear a dazed look all the time. So, for a little self comfort, I bought myself the latest issue of KLue. Came to work and scan it to share with my elder brother and few other good friends.

So finally, a column. Just one doesn't mean anything as I don't have a secure column to write to for now. I wish I have though but my pitch wasn't bought for the magazine. I have always wanted to write for KLue but felt I was never good enough. In my head, I thought, what worth are my thoughts. But I was lucky enough to have that space and even luckier, that it made into the issue.

So in a way, it's a mini, mini milestone.

Maybe, we should stop pondering and start doing it. Maybe, there is worth in every dream if it's tried out.

The Search For Better Days

2009-03-24T20:25:00.002+08:00

Last fourteen days, I worked close to 16 hours a day, everyday. Having short break only for lunch and dinner. And I felt, that I was nothing more than a machine. So I worked hard, and I told myself, to run like this is my last lap. Now that I've done that lap, I'm placed onto a whole new God damn field. And I need to run again.

I wonder how some can stay so long in this never ending stay. Okay, I will admit that now I have come to accept that nothing is easy in life. But to know, that this is as hard that it is I have to endure and more in the future, I am really not sure if I can do it.

I am sorry for my own fucking health. I know, if I keep going on, 5 years later, my health report will definitely be a letter of death. I'm serious. Because when I am stressed, I am extremely stressed out. I give no room to myself to breathe.

I need to know if this game is worth fighting for. If it is, I will continue fighting. But if it's not, I am getting off the next station.

The curse of every ambition

2009-02-23T20:48:00.002+08:00

There are ambitions. And so there are also self doubts. They exist side by side and as much I want something, I also fear that perhaps, I have my heads too high up in the clouds. Too denial to see, that I don't have what it takes to get there. I have just been offered one opportunity to write a column. A column. In a magazine that to me is read by only the coolest people in town. And I can't do it. Because I think I have don't have anything that these people have never read before.

But I have only one chance to do this. And I have a feeling, I won't be published after all. I am writing this with a frown. Obviously I hope for the other way round. And if you pick up the magazine in April and you see me with my pseudonym, then you know I made it.

If not, I will still try nonetheless.

Ambitions are too precious to give up. So are the curses that comes with it. The self censorship, the denial, the self doubt. And the real curse of it all, is that you can never give it up.

Rafting in Kuala Selangor

2009-02-19T09:35:00.010+08:00

While I Am Still Lucid

2009-01-31T06:31:00.002+08:00

I am still lucid about the night, and the week that just passed. And, what started as an effort to tie loose ends to the many relationships of the past, remains unchanged. I looked for non-existent values in some and felt guilty in others. In the end, nothing can be changed. Maybe, there's some bridges re-built but they still remain rocky for as long as I think they will be.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Dita Von Teese

2009-01-27T10:19:00.003+08:00

No, I didn't remember her as the chick who married Marilyn Manson. But rather, I first came to really read about her when she became the spokesperson for MAC Viva Glam Lipstick 2007. Dita is the epitome of a real woman. Trained as a ballerina and a professional burlesque dancer by profession, Dita is the first of its kind in Hollywood.

Surefire Bangs

2009-01-25T02:52:00.000+08:00

This picture reminded me how much I missed having bangs and long hair. Bangs, both childlike innocent and sophisticated, it is the one way to update the long hair without compromising on the length. Because of that, it is the one look that inspires so many to follow.

Picture courtesy from garance dore. The model is Miss Elisa Nalin, a fashion stylist from Paris.

Down So Long

2009-01-24T15:46:00.003+08:00

I rarely fall ill. But whenever I do, I am reminded of the pityful conditions one would be subjected to whenever they are sick. It began with a sorethroat and a mild fever. Then, the body aches started. Next, I was in bed for two days - peeling myself off the floor twice to see the doctor. I had to call in sick at work during the two days and the whole time I was thinking to myself, how I am wasting good time.

Chinese New Year Eve is tomorrow. And with my present circumstances, things aren't looking too good.

Crap.

Favourite Band Of The Week: Teriyaki Boyz

2009-01-24T15:03:00.007+08:00

You can't deny when Teriyaki Boyz' Tokyo Drift, soundtrack to The Fast and The Furious first hit the airwaves, it instantly latched on to your mind. Then the next thing you knew, it was on the playlist on every club and radio station. While flipping channels one day, I also manage to catch one of their single, Heartbreaker, featured on MTV's Asian Takeaway. A little surfing and a purchase of their album, I was a convert. I am now a strong believer that Japanese are the only Asians who gets it right when it comes to what was once rightfully Black.

Who are The Teriyaki Boyz?
A collaboration of Japan's finest Hip Hop artists - There's Ilmari and Ryo-Z from Rip Slyme, Verbal from m-flo, Wise and DJ Nigo, the man who trademarked his own name and owner of the infamous streetwear label, A Bathing Ape. All of them (except for Nigo) belonged to different bands before coming together. Ever since, they earned international recognition with successful collaborations with Hip Hop's big names like Pharell, Kanye West and Busta Rhymes.

A Teriyaki Boyz Trivia
Their first single, Heartbreaker, was produced by Daft Punk and contains music elements from their single, Human After All.

All information extracted from Wikipedia. Reading discography can be as challenging as reading The Economist. Thus, Wikipedia made my life easier.

Getting Ink II

2009-01-19T13:25:00.008+08:00

Just found out that Julian from Black Cat Tattoo Studio is relatively new as a Tattoo artist but I had so much trust in him from the beginning. From the moment he showed me the sketching of the lettering, it felt right. And I knew I won't regret having it on my skin.

This was my face/reaction at the most excruciating moment. I think I am pretty calm in taking pain. This only mean, more tattoos in the future.

The first five minutes after it's done. Where it is still raw and my skin was all swollen.

Getting Ink

2009-01-19T13:20:00.000+08:00

I will write the experience in a later post. For now, this is the first five minutes of the tattooing process.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Rob Thomas

2009-01-19T11:26:00.002+08:00

Rob, plays his role extremely well as the front man of Matchbox Twenty. I loved watching him perform in live concerts and to see the intensity and enthusiasm of his performance, it inspires me to give 100 percent in everything that I do.

Favourite Band Of The Week: The Tings Tings

2009-01-16T10:28:00.006+08:00

The simplest way to know if your music is making waves out there, is when people remember any line from your songs - and sing them.

They caught my attention with their single, "That's Not My Name" when they performed at the MTV Video Music Awards 2008 and bagged the Best UK Video then. Of course, many other accolades followed.

To give you a rough idea on the duo.

Who are The Tings Tings?
Made up of Jules De Martino (Drums, Guitar & Vocals) and Katie White (Main Vocals, Guitar & Bass Drum) from the UK. They met in Dec 2004 while they were still in university and catapulted to instant fame when one of the relatives won the national lottery. The money was used to launch their record deal. They both belonged to different bands prior to getting together.

A Ting Ting Trivia
Katie White had a Chinese colleague who used to say, Ting Ting sounded like an old bandstand in Mandarin. Plus, it also meant "to listen" in another way of saying it. So, that's why they went along with The Tings Tings.

All information extracted from Wikipedia. Reading discography can be as challenging as reading The Economist. Thus, Wikipedia made my life easier.

Jueves

2009-01-15T15:48:00.004+08:00

I was born on a Thursday. And I first learn of this poem, as many of you back when we were kids.

Monday's Child
Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

And for many years after that, I could still rehearse it. I grew up believing that it was beautiful poem and every child, regardless of the day they were born into has good trait. Well, up till last year, when I googled for its real meaning.

Humans, have the tendency to look and read into things that revolves around themselves. And more often, they do rub off a little. Yes, we grew out of reading horoscopes or believing in palmistry, but somehow this things do rub off. What more when you are a little kid.

To have a desensitize poet impose such cruel things, on some kids while sparing the others.

Monday children here, are pictured as children born beautiful.
While Tuesday kids will always have grace.
Wednesday child on the other had, will have woe. Full of them in fact. Woe here, I grew up believing to be resilience actually meant, bitter grief, trouble and calamities.
Thursday, which I thought, are children who will venture far and beyond in search of their dreams are actually slow kids. That's why, they have far to go.
Friday child, well that's a pretty trait there. I have no complains.
Saturday children are probably saddest, because they will need to work harder than everyone else to make their living.
Sunday children here are painted in the prettiest way.

It's so unfair and discriminating for kids born on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. So this is my version:

Mondays child is fair of face,

To charm the likes of human race.

Tuesdays child is full of grace,

Always thankful for what was given.
Wednesdays child is strong and calm,

To help the others in face of despair.
Thursdays child braves and leads,

To will the distance in search of dreams.
Fridays child is loving and giving,

Always sharing their loving and laughters.
Saturdays child are born hard workers,

And they gain life blessings more than the others.
And the child that is born on Sunday,
Is forever joyful, in blithe and gay.

Another bottle this evening?

2009-01-14T13:39:00.000+08:00

Myself: I am in danger of becoming an alcoholic. But again, I have never slept so well before.

Why do Asians like to work late?

2009-01-12T21:13:00.001+08:00

Now even if I have never worked out of the country, I know, working more than the hours that we signed on in the contract is WRONG!

Finally, my own

2009-01-12T09:41:00.003+08:00

No, not the lap top or the phone or any of the reading materials on it. But it is funny it took me so long to finally put up a table in my own room. So yes, I am happy. As modest as it is, I don't need to do my reading and writing on the floor anymore.

Notice the wallpaper? I grabbed it from A Cup Of Jo.

It's one of her many engagement pictures taken in nice angles in a creative storytelling way. It's just too sweet.

Favourite Person Of The Week: Zooey Deschanel

2009-01-11T18:09:00.001+08:00

An Open Letter

2009-01-11T17:08:00.003+08:00

I write hundreds of e-mails at work in a week. But, I can never write one letter/e-mail that translates my thoughts and emotions to the recipient. I can't help but to feel, it's cliche. And that I am embarrassed. After all, who writes what they feel anymore these days. We have all sorts of quick communication to tell them. An instant messaging, a SMS, a Facebook message.

But they are so often, short. Direct. Simple. And the emotions in our guts are broken down into these communication channel. It makes them, less personal. Less real.

Unlike written, self construct letters/e-mails. Where you take time to write them and decide where is best to place these emotions. Which paragraph, which sentence. How it begins and how it ends. And while writing it, the self critic kept screening words that maybe OTT but the heart decides that it needs to be there.

I wrote one message to someone. It was poorly constructed. I wanted him to know that I wondered, if he is thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him. And I wanted to tell him what I feel, even if I know, the emotions are just a one way channel. But the ego I have all pent up inside, doesn't allow me to do so.

If only, one can learn how to give and not count the rewards it will reap.

That to me, is the hardest practice. As much feelings I have inside of me, I find the chore to restrain them. So I won't look stupid. When the fact is, I am not allowing myself to feel.

Ten Months

2009-01-08T14:13:00.002+08:00

Every little thing must be celebrated. I always have this thought so maybe that's why I am such a self indulgent. I spend. I pamper myself and I live. Anyway, it's been ten months at my current job. My previous job was eight so I have a two months surplus. I am hitting a spot I've not been before. And, I am making the commitment to stay awhile more.

I am glad I never quit.

The land of a homogeneous sun

2009-01-06T17:41:00.002+08:00

My recent trip to Seoul during autumn, opened my eyes to the wonderful weathers Mother Earth has for its inhabitants. It was cold in the day and even, colder at night. Where coats are worn instead of jackets and boots instead of sneakers. And it made me ached, that we, here at the khatulistiwa will forever be left out. When I was there, I had so many reasons to celebrate the weather and particularly, the fashion. Of course, Seoul is just a fraction of how Milan, New York and Tokyo will have but it was a wonderful eye opener.

Then, once I came back, I kept thinking, evaluating, if there is indeed anything to celebrate when we all live in a land where the only change is sun and rain. As a young woman, it was a very exciting experience for me in Korea, where fashion thrives in everyday lives. It is also easy to find a million reasons to hate the weather here and the lack of fashion sense among most Malaysians after my trip. But, I can be easily wrong, there is indeed many reasons to celebrate with our weather.

For one, there's the the big C - Convenience. There is no need to put on more than a layer of clothing. Then, there's the bigger C, Comfort. There is no need for the fear of cold. Simplicity, Though it is easier to say most people here are lazy to dress up and more willing to settle for less, fashion in a warm country can still be interesting.

I don't have substantial evidence to back the last fact up but I do believe, fashion can exists anywhere, in any kind of weather. People in colder countries just have more reasons to experiment with more fashion. While here, it takes a lot more than just creativity, it's also a lot about being bold.

Fashion forward people here are usually, hairstylists and make up artists. Because they all share the same wonderful way of expressing themselves. That is why, I always love visiting my hairstylist. His colleagues and him, just injects a fresh dose and change how general Malaysians typically dress and carry themselves. Of course, most of the times, they can be a little over the top. But, that's the important criteria that most people are missing - Being Bold.

Hello 2009!

2009-01-01T08:17:00.002+08:00

Wow. I am going to be 25 this year. As I made my way upstairs towards bed, I shouted it quite loud. OMG, I am going to be 25. Well, 24 seems like an age where opportunities are abundant and you can pretty much do what you want. But, 25, that's a pretty scary age. 25 to me is an age, where you better make something out of it rather than nothing. I wish I had not brought over a four digit credit card debt from last year so I can actually start saving this year. But here's hoping to a fat bonus so I can clear things off.

My impulsive shopping splendour must come to an end. Well, at least I made a grand exit with a RM265 4" Nine West heels which I prolly will only wear three times in 2009. Not because it is expensive but rather, 4" doesn't really suit every occasion for a 170cm girl like me.

Then, there's the endless scholarships scheme to devour before the end of the month. I am really sick of not going anywhere or haven't been anywhere for 1/4 of life now (If the human age lifespan is a hundred years). Tired. 25 and never been out of the country apart from holidays. I need to get out by next year. I need to find the escape plan.

With two short paragraphs, bordering on a whole lot of negativity, there's still a lot of optimism in me. For example, I truly believe also, 2009 will be another exciting year. If not, greater than 2008. I had fun in 2008 - minus the uncontrolled emotional roller coaster which I am prone to, I believe life is still great.

There's salsa lessons to learn. With that also comes a new band of friends and new social circle to join. There's the stepping up to accept two accounts at work - something which will keep me very busy and focus. There's life itself to meet.

So everyone, here's to a wonderful 2009.

Still hung up

2008-12-29T17:55:00.004+08:00

I am still hung up on Martin. And I am still feeling incredibly stupid. I wish I am a dude sometimes. Wait, make that all the time.

Always Trust More Than A Source

2008-12-29T10:44:00.002+08:00

I wanted to have a medical test today, or rather for the longest time now. I missed all the weekends I was suppose to have it done in KL and now, only at the eleventh hour, I have decided to do it here in Taiping. I tried calling the lab a couple of times here in Taiping and finally, only called the HQ that was in KL. The person on the other line told me that since Monday is a public holiday, the Taiping lab won't be opened. Then, I drank a really good cup of carrots, apple and orange home made juice concoction for breakfast. I decided to call the Taiping lab again just to see if there's going to be anyone picking up and turns out, the lab is open today. Fuck. I could had have it done.

I am 24. But I have never done major tests before. This time, I am going to do everything - Blood & Urine Test and even HIV.

And even if the stats are odd of me contracting the latter disease, (which most of my friends would laugh whenever I told them my worries), I think, it is extremely important for everybody to do it. It's a social responsibility and I think, it is disgusting if one puts it off because of their fear and ignorance.

So I guess, it is going to be until tomorrow.

Not Everyone Wants To Be Your Friend

2008-10-16T17:01:00.002+08:00

When I share stories of what I face daily in the office, people are pretty astonished. My array of crazy stories are great entertainment to my friends because of the way I word them - comical. However, it really isn't funny when I am going through them.

Here, people's behavior are amplified a whole lot more. Perhaps, this is what the working world is. Not everyone wants to be your friend.

Then again, I did a little exercise. By organizing my own birthday get-together. It is not exclusive, but it's meant to be a small gathering with my closest friends. People, that I don't need to entertain or be friendly with. People, who knows what I want to say even if I hadn't say it. This exercise have me invite only those people that fit the requirement above. The result is a small pool of people who is willing to RSVP to my modest invitation.

With that little exercise, I realize, we all have our own safety zone - where we let certain people into. That's the visible line we all like to draw when we are out there alone. We need that, even if it keeps us confine to a lot of other things.

Of Luxe, Diamonds and Pearls

2008-10-13T14:41:00.004+08:00

It's the turning of the season, into what I comfortably think of, as the final quarter of the year. And this simply means, the magical world of fashion will turn on its axle again. The long hauled traditions of Autumn/Winter dictates - tis' the season of high life, richness and the marvels. Of the highly desired but more often also, unattainable (to most of us).

I've managed to flip through a couple of magazines (fashion and non-fashion) to spot that all the editors are on the topic of Luxury. For many moons now, I've read these magazines, marveled at the rarest and richest objects in today's life and yearns desperately, that I will be able to taste that life one day. However, this time around, editors are turning the tables on the word - luxury. It is said, that each of us, termed our own luxury, rather uniquely. To find out for myself, I searched the Oxford sitting on my desk and was pretty glad and surprised to learn the meaning of it.

Luxury
1. choice or costly surroundings, possessions, food, etc (a life of luxury)
2. something desirable for comfort or enjoyment, but not indispensable
3. providing great comfort; expensive

Of course, to speak of luxury in the common tongue - it is the finest in life. But definition no. 2 provides the real 'check and balance' to it all. Luxury, doesn't necessary need to be spelled in materials or objects. Luxury is abstract. The biggest value to it, people are on a constant move to pursuit it.

It's time to some, happiness to more. It can be beautiful memories and long lasting friendship. Then I realize, Luxury is really, not that far away. All you need is just to change the way you think.

Luxury, in my new terms is time, a trip back home, that surge of self confidence to keep doing what I am doing and wonderful friendships. They are rare but once I have them, I savour them. But, the luxury I yearn for - is the clear direction of what I want out of life. It's okay that I am still lost but I need to thread this path for now, to see where the road is heading.

It will not be in vain, I am sure.

Then, there's still my youth - my biggest luxury. I can afford it.

Baseless Assumptions

2008-10-05T01:40:00.002+08:00

When younger, I dated three guys who all grew up in the same hometown as I do. And, I ended all three relationship, each time, believing that there are better guys out there. Many years down the road, where I am today, I am the fool who had to eat my own words - and there are no better guys out there. Although these relationships are long over (because it all came to an end point), I somehow believed that if I were to still be with either of them, I would had been spared from a lot of shipwrecks.

I just got back from coffee with my very first boyfriend. I am talking about the kind of relationship where a phone call from him was enough to make my day. I was 13 and he was 15. He was, sweet and very emotionally attached to me. While I was rebellious and too spontaneous for him. Although the relationship ended because he found someone else to be attached with, it wasn't a bitter end. I was hurt but I got over it pretty quick. I guess, that's what they call - puppy love.

Then tonight, is the second time I met him again, after a long time. I met him a year back (If I remember correctly) after we lost touch for a couple of years. We had coffee, went for a walk and then sat down for coffee again. Conversations shifted from our daily lives to our personal lives. Slowly, we began probing into each other lives. On why he isn't dating anyone at 26, on why I am still single.

And I resisted hard in asking for his opinion, on what he thinks on being together again. I am a little convinced that he may be thinking about it but it may just be a baseless assumption. I also know I can't because, he might take the question more seriously than I do.

But I cannot help but to still think, on what it will be like - to go out with him again. He is the opposite of all the guys I've dated of recent years. He is sturdy, responsible and 'stable'. Someone I know, who will always be there. Ah... and also the wonderful thought of dating the person whom your family approve of. And I have been beaten and trodden down countless times in my past relationships, it somehow feels so good to know, that the kind of guy he is, the relationship will definitely be less 'turbulent'.

I had a very honest conversation with a good friend recently. I started by telling her, my believe in the power of visualization. Psychologists have long advocate on this. Only by visualizing yourself in the state that you want yourself to be in, it can somehow help you get there. Now, I visualize myself in everything else - except in the relationship sector. I can imagine myself going through a hard day at work or my ten years goal, but never able to visualize myself with the sort of person I want to be with. Even if he is fictional and I can dream up any values in him. I just can't.

I know it is silly. But I also believe that the reason I am unable to do this is due to the deep rooted self confidence issue. And until the day I can picture myself, with the person that I want to be with, I will always be battling with relationship issues.

Now what went wrong. Which experience in my life f*cked up? Which guy battered me so badly, that I can never be the same? Or which doctrine embedded in my life became so invisible to me, I can't distinguish it anymore.

I really don't know but I know, very soon, I will not have the time to deal or think about this for a long, long time.

So congratulations. You read me at a weak point of my life.

Five Days Gone

2008-10-04T19:43:00.002+08:00

I rode the bus back on Wednesday at 11.30am from KL. Reached Taiping around 3.30pm. That's half a day. I never left the house until Friday afternoon. That's one and a half day - just bumming around within my house. Then, yesterday, I went out for a short drink with my cousin - barely two hours and then I am home all day again. Contemplated so badly to go to Penang for a night only to have my decision cut short as I need to return to KL early tomorrow at 9am.

So that pretty much wraps up my short 'break'. Damn.

2008-10-04T00:40:00.002+08:00

Oh yes, and there are times, when I want to give up. I would picture myself, standing up over my desk and telling the world, "I quit! Since I am not good enough and never will be, I quit".

That thought can be pretty amazing and empowering. It's like an amazing power I have - the thought that if this job demands so much of me and I am already giving my all, I really don't need to be there.

I want to whine more

2008-10-04T00:27:00.000+08:00

My mother asked today, if I will work at where I am working now, for long. I sighed. I explained that it is tiring me, even at six months. I then whine - yeah, it's long hours, I gotta watch my work all the time, I got to please my boss, please my team mate, my client. Yadda Yadda. And then, I find myself repeating the same thing again.

Shit. This only means, that those worries/woes that I have will only stop short at long hours, mandatory meticulous work, perfectionist boss, teammates who expect you to be an exceptional team player and well, clients, who will always be clients.

I strongly believe that there is a lot of prospect in my line of work and even within my own company. There's of course, a ladder for us all to climb - one which will require hard work and lotsa sacrifices. But, am I willing to go through that for now, I am not sure.

But I also believe that when I am in the system, which I already am, it is easy to get caught within it. When you have a job that demands a lot of time out of your life, you tend to see things just within that scope. That life indeed is just meeting deadlines, managing your clients, your paperwork has to be clear and concise, every bit of information has to be well rehearsed in your brain already. So when your boss asked you a question, you don't need a hesitation to answer back. And when you do need that hesitation, it simply means, you are not good enough.

So many times, I question my ability. If I am really good enough for that job. Or, am I trying hard enough. And if I am not, what am I good at. Or worst, maybe I am not good enough for anything at all - ever. Then, there's the question, if life suppose to be like this? That our very mere existence is defined by how competent we are at work - and what if I am not? Does this mean, I am going to be nothing.

Of course, you will say, Try Harder. Yes, I will. But I am not sure, not convinced if all of this, will be worth it. There are doubts. There are hesitations. There are a whole lot of unanswered questions.

But here's the thing - I have no guts to leave just yet. Or rather, I have yet to complete my one year promise I made to myself.

I guess, there's six more months to ponder. Take away 14 hours of my time in a day, 5 times a week. I don't really have that luxury.

Halfway Through

2008-10-03T00:38:00.000+08:00

I am halfway through! There’s only six months left before I hit my one year mark of working in Naga DDB. I wonder how many people in the company actually think like me. To be in a grueling industry - to just dip their toes into the pool without any intention of jumping in. All for the humble and humility sake of learning.

This year, has certainly been eventful. Mostly because I allowed myself to be stretched out and be tested. Well, not only I learn and aspire to be better, I know, I don’t like giving up – easy. Even if I may quit at certain events or points in life, it gives great comfort that I am still weathering it out.

Of course, I have so much more to learn. Trust me; I sucked at my job. This realization also make me realize, that if I don’t learn to be better, or at least, try to be better, I will never be good at anything. There is almost an invisible hall of fame here – credentials given to those who perform well. Their names are still uttered, as if, they never left. I wonder, will I ever get recognition like those people, or fade away and try elsewhere.

Either way, I hope that at least, in my own tune that I am dancing to, I will be able to strive harder and last the year.

Talking about my own tune, it is hard to stay true to who I aspire to be. Environmentally, it is changing the person I am. After all, I am spending 5 days a week, a daily 14 hours or more at work – satisfying a power higher than me. My team à My boss à My client. Everything has to be perfect. Everything has to fast. And if I screw up, it reflects back on myself à My team à My boss à My company.

If only I can escape that dreadful link, I don’t think I am able to. And when I whine about it, I get the answer, “Welcome to the corporate world, baby”.

Another six months is definitely too short to learn everything in Advertising or even to be a better suit. The term given to us in brand management. But, at least, weathering one year will be able to give me a great sense of self fulfillment.

At least, I can blog about it, six months from now that I kept to my words.

I'm Not Complaining (Not Really!)

2008-09-24T20:42:00.002+08:00

I am sitting at my office cubicle, at 8.41pm with easily, three hours of work to go and I am officially brain dead. But, to pull me out of this entrapment, I would be at a woe, because I hate uncompleted tasks. But to stay, I am straying from my purpose by procrastinating.

I don't think workaholics are hardworking people - they are just like me. Empty and hollow, because there's no where else they would rather be but work. And take away this entity, they will not know what else to do.

This is a sad realization. I am overworked without a reason.

2008-08-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

Being Alive

2008-07-26T23:13:00.004+08:00

I felt an amazing array of emotions just tonight. My very best friend, place me on an emotional cartwheel when she broke a devastating news to me. I choose to take no sides but just to listen and hopefully, by remaining on neutral grounds, it will somehow served a relief to her. Then, I spoke briefly to her sister, who went on to do exactly what family would do. To care. It touched me beyond any words that I can explain.

Later on, I decide to change into my old SIM card, a very rare act which I will do only once in awhile to keep my old number 'alive'. An unexpected call came through. It was from Derrick. A name I never mentioned here before as well. But he is someone who "guest-starred" in my life a couple of years back.

Had I not changed my SIM card, at this particular time and day, I doubt I would had heard from him. We haven't keep in touch for awhile now. But Derrick says that he is finally leaving the country.

I don't think I will ever see him again but I am never significant enough to be a part of his life to start with. However, hearing from him is good enough. Although it made me feel like I am losing him, it brought me back to realize I never had him. He was someone who was once around, but then I believed that he is too good for me.

True enough, he is. He still is.