Revisiting Decisions

Finally, the results are out and I affirm to the notion that, if you waited too long to do something, chances are you're bound to change your mind. I quit my full time job seven months ago and, I was thrown with a lot of inconsistency to deal with everyday from then. When you are not on a pay roll, you tend to get easily swayed into well, everywhere. That's why I applaud people who are sticking to their decisions thick and thin. It takes too much energy and determination to make things happen. 

I applied for a Masters programme in a local university in mid 2009 and was accepted into the faculty I wanted. The semester was going to commence in December when I suddenly changed my mind that I wanted to do my Masters degree in a UK university. The schedule were more accommodating and it seemed more focused. So I did, applied for it again and now, I have a RM40k education fee staring into my face. 

My parents, particularly my mother were supportive of my decision but I knew, it won't be easy for my family to fork it all within a year. Thus, that is my Doubt #1. What if this is a wrong choice? That I should never had opted for a UK university and that I should settle with a local one.

Then comes Doubt #2: Am I really sure that I want to do this? Well, seven months ago, I was dead sure that I want to land myself a Masters in order for me to do the things I want. For example, I've always wanted to try the travel and teaching bit. So, I was sure, this could lead me there. But now, that dream stand on shaky grounds. 

Doubt #3 is when I look around at my friends and see everyone of them stepping up to the next phase of their lives. Some are getting married, some are getting bigger pay cheques and some are putting their down-payment for their first property. Everyone seems to be getting an upgrade but me. If you remember my December column in I.M. Magazine, I mentioned that trying to stay positive is probably the hardest bit to come by. It's sad that even if we are chasing our own dreams, we cannot help but to still compare. 

My classes are due to start soon and the only thing I am capable of doing now, is sticking through. I know it won't be easy and the scary bit is, how hard is it going to get? If my will is strong, what happens if deterrence is stronger? Can I make it through the next one year?